Friend’s behavior feels threatening
July 30, 2006
Q: I’m 15 and an avid reader of your column. I really hope you can help me on this. My friend “Ann” and I are a year apart in age and have been friends ever since our little sisters became friends. We are very artistic and have always gotten along very well.
However, two big problems have arisen between the two of us. A while ago, Ann’s parent’s split and now they live apart. Plus, her mother was (and is still) dating an Ashton Kutcher look-alike who is about 10 years younger. Ann was very broken up and tried to commit suicide. Afterward, she was prescribed Zoloft for depression.
Not soon after Ann professed love toward me. This startled me, but I don’t like her that way and I told her so. Since then, she has been very distant and gets jealous or angry when I talk to or hang with other people. She is moody, violent and cruel to the people I hang out with. Every little problem she has is made larger than life and everything gets blown out of proportion.
I’ve tried to confront her, but every time I do she tunes me out. When I get angry, she starts going off about how I hate her or how our relationship is only based on pity. I love Ann and she’s like a little sister to me. But I love the rest of my friends, too, and I’m tired of her getting angry with me for having them.
I think what I need is a break from her — but how do I tell her that? How do I tell her that she has made me so angry that I just want her to let me be for a while? What am I supposed to do?
Internet Pharmacy - Buy Pharmacy at reasanoble prices.Internet Pharmacy provides confortable and easy way to order pharmacy via internet.
A Ann’s life sounds as if it is spinning out of control and you are being pulled into the middle of all her emotional chaos. When people experience an emotional trauma, such as parents going through a divorce, they tend to cling to those who feel safe. And those they cling to often are left feeling smothered and overwhelmed.
While their biggest fear is being rejected again, they create situations where other people feel forced to create distance due to their unstable behaviors. It sounds as if you have been empathetic to Ann but now you are putting up a healthy boundary that needs to be established. Do you know if Ann is in therapy? Depending on who prescribed the Zoloft, she may or may not be talking with a professional. If she is not, take one of your parents and go talk to one of Ann’s parents. Tell them you have concerns about some of Ann’s behaviors and you hope they get her into counseling immediately. Let them know you care for Ann but she is harassing you and your friends. Give examples of strange behaviors she has shown so they get the idea and can share these with the therapist. Will Ann be angry with you for doing this? Perhaps. Is it needed for both her mental well-being as well as yours? Absolutely.
If Ann is in counseling, set firm boundaries when you have any contact with her. Let her know that you will not tolerate mean behavior toward you or your friends. Tell her that if she can’t agree to being nonconfrontational and nice, you can’t agree to hanging out with her. Leave the choice up to her and hold hard to the expectation that she show you respect when hanging out with her.
Posted by toshko under Zoloft News | Comments (0)
